Missile

Forewarning, I'm tired so this one is likely to be short, angry and punchy. If you don't like any of those traits, well, this is my catharsis.

I'd like to take a moment to talk about something that's been getting under my skin. It's a bit like having a splinter where the end has broken off and you can't quite reach the meat of the little annoying thing just below the surface that doesn't quite hurt but irritates until you want to take a knife to it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the knife I am going to take to this little splinter called Westboro Baptist Church.




Yes. Those assholes. You may have heard a bit about them with their petulant, child-like protestations at funerals for soldiers. I'd say dead soldiers but that's a little redundant. Not as redundant as these epic level retards however. No matter how much I may try, I simply cannot give my self enough perimortem brain damage to even begin to approach the levels of idiocy on display for the nation at large. They claim that America went and fucked up for some reason or another that, to be quite frank, I can't make out over the raucous clamor of my own laughter.

They are, to me, akin to clowns. They are like that oddly shaped circus midget that you simply have to laugh at to keep the creepiness you feel from looking at it at bay. However, unlike the noble clown, they provide no entertainment nor educational value. Long has it been the solemn jester's duty to point out the absurd, to reflect it via parody, and speak the uncomfortable truths we all know.

These fucks choose instead to spout ignorant shit that crosses it's own purposes by slipping beyond the pale of common parody or even a darker reflection, into that little land where nutballs find themselves when they've no where else to run and the brain voices go from whispering to shouting. They say that an omnipotent, omnipresent deity looking down from it's lofty throne has become angered over the possibility of homosexual individuals within the military. Stop and think about that. If you've read this blog for any length of time, I'm sure there is at least some nugget of intelligence that simply must be pointing out the absurdity of this when put into perspective. Quite honestly, this is much like you, being enraged by a colony of ants that have a few drones that get it on with one another that exists on a fucking planet somewhere out in the Abell 1835 IR916 galaxy! I'm fairly sure both you, and said omnipotent being, have a few more pressing matters to deal with, like trying to figure out how to divide by zero.

Yes, I'm well aware that these are mostly attention seeking whores who have mastered the art that was made popular by P. T. Barnum and that talking about them only gives them more notoriety, but fuck it I'm not sure I give half a shit at the moment. I do hope someone is kind enough to pass Fred Phelps and his cronies this blog. I could use the traffic.

So what, you may ask, prompted this particular writing? I'll tell you. Previously mentioned pack of ignorant, myopic would-be spiritual dictators and general nuisance were out doing their usual thing in their usual place, and guess what? Someone apparently didn't like the message and displayed their lack of agreement with a knife blade to the tires of said preening jackass' vehicles. Guess their god was in favor of them walking home that particular day, hm? Low blow? You bet but there's more coming for them.

In response to this, they have decided that their god is going to kill the children of Oklahoma. Oh no, better run and tremble in fear. Now, for the most part, I could give a fuck less. You might rightly infer from this that I am not a parent. You might further that supposition in to belief that I could not possibly understand the loss a parent feels when their child dies, but you would be quite wrong, my friends. There are few things I will not broach upon because I do have a sense of decorum, as minor as it may be. I dislike children, yes. I find them offensive to a majority of my senses as well as my sensibilities, however I'll never say that I would wish for a child's death, nor would I rub said demise in the faces of grieving parents.

I do have a working moral compass, despite what certain close friends might believe. I just wish I could share it with these dick stains because theirs has apparently thrown in the towel, ran off to Vegas and is now a smack addict being pimped out to be fucked by anyone with two pennies left to rub together.

Look. I understand freedom. Shit, everyone by this point should know I'm quite all for it. Let these subhuman morons dance, shout, jeer and sing whatever they want, wherever they want. Far be it from me, the advocate of freedom, to suggest we use so clumsy and oafish a tool as the law to stop them. But I also believe that one should be allowed to state their opposing opinion in whatever manner they please and would not be at all sorrowed to find that said opposition was stated with a fist plowing in to the frontal head region of any of these so-called people. I mean, let's face facts here, it's not like they'll actually feel anything through those impossibly thick skulls of theirs now, would they?

Here's a really interesting tidbit. For all their outlandish and seemingly outgoing behavior, the truth at the heart of the matter is, they're cowards. "Oh! But they're out in public doing this that and the other, why do you call them cowards?" Yes, I can hear your question now. It turns out that the core members of this 'little' church happen to be lawyers. Yep. Lawyers. Ones that appear to be more than happy to sue for the slightest perceived infraction against them and yet at the same time demand that they not be held to the same rigorous standard because they are special. I agree with them on that latter part as I can't find a bus short enough to express exactly how special they are.

While the main church itself is headquartered in Topeka, Kansas, they also appear to have a new branch in Norman, Oklahoma from all accounts. Guess being litigious assholes has helped them a bit more than their beloved deity. And, in case you haven't figured it out yet, I do not say they believe in God as Christians know this entity. I hardly qualify these Neanderthal-like beings as human, let alone inflicting them on any known religion. Shit, I wouldn't even do that to Scientology, and we should all know how fucked up they are by now.

In summation, fuck Fred Phelps, fuck the WBC, and most of all if you're anywhere near as stupid as these dumb shits, stay the fuck away from me, unless you're feeling particularly masochistic.